Journey to Health

Journey to Health –  We are never alone

When I last 6F6A3033wrote about my Journey to Health, I left you with me returning to the hospital intensive care unit and smelling like hell on earth. I’ve been a prayer warrior since having teenagers but this experience drew me closer and closer to our Savior. Thinking about it now, I am still surprised how well I handled all the setbacks and pain. I believe it was only through the power of Christ that I endured.

I stayed in the ICU for a day and then moved to the unit floor. The staff here was good and met my needs even if I was at the opposite end of the hall from the nurse’s station.

My day consisted of trying to swallow crushed pills, changing IV’s, to prevent blood clots walking the halls and trying not to expose any of my bits while being hooked up to an IV pole. Then of course there were several times a day the wound needed to be repacked. The skin all over my stomach was raw from the tape, bandages and surgery sites. The other five small incisions were doing just fine. My stomach was bruised from the Lovenox shots (to prevent blood clots) and the rash that was growing worse every hour. I had to be given more medications to help with the intense itching. It didn’t help heal the rash itself.

Tying to take a shower while stuff was oozing from the infection was a test of my ability not to smell death. Okay, I wasn’t dying but it smelled like it. I felt blessed that the shower had a seat. I was so weak I could not have stood that long. Getting wet and washing my hair felt like I had not totally lost my grip on reality. Have you ever noticed, time just seems to be different when you are in the hospital or in pain?

While all this was going on, God was still at work using me to fellowship and mentor. God is so amazing!

The nurses and staff were not extremely busy. Most of my time as an inpatient there were few patients on the ward.  The staff often came into my room to chat and I would ask about their lives. Each needed some loving attention of their own. I was so grateful for each of the staff.

My surgeon came to check on my twice a day and did his sharing of poking the infected incision. Before my surgery I had only seen him three times. The first day I was on the ward I was told he would need to open up the wound to get the infection out. Truthfully, I was scared.

What do you do when you are scared and completely out of your element?

Pray.

That’s what I did. Also, I had my iPhone and Pandora radio. I didn’t have earbuds so I put my phone on my shoulder and quietly listened to Christian praise music. Each song and lyrics God used to soothe my fears and remind me I was never alone.

The surgeon came in and I asked if I could still keep the music on while he did the procedure. He said “of course”. I was relieved. I felt I needed to fill every space around me with God’s presence. I closed my eyes and prayed while the surgeon, nurse practitioner and the RN prepared for the procedure.

The next thing I hear is my surgeon say, “that is one of my favorite songs.” And then he starts singing the praise song. I felt at that moment God showed me He had his hand on my surgeon and I could rest. I relaxed and then I heard two more voices blending with the surgeon. Both of the nurses were singing too. Knowing I was with my brother and sisters-in-Christ, my spirit soared

God is in the details of our lives. I had no idea these three special people loved the Lord and doing the Father’s work.

 

 

March 24,2016

Grief, god wins

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Arms lifted up ready to embrace the Lord and all He has for me. Sometimes much easier said than done. This is where the rubber meets the road when you are walking on shaky ground. Will you embrace the moment, live it, and learn from it? Or, will you blow like a breeze and slip away from your faith

I apologize for lack of blogging. I will try to be more consistent.

Life has made me feel a bit like a tumbleweed until I realized I was not a weed but a well-rooted believer in Christ. I had foot surgery about seven weeks ago. Now, that is a life-altering event. Not allowed to bear any weight on it and then when I did it hurt. I am in physical pain and that is when Satan would like to get me down. He doesn’t have to win, although he will try harder if the first arrow misses its mark.

During this recovering process, I said goodbye to our grand babies and daughter when they moved out-of-state. It happens all the time in our society but that doesn’t make it any less painful for the ones torn apart. Grief. It comes in many forms. I think we often relate grief simply when someone departs this earth.

Grief. It is so much more.

When our daughter first announced her move, I was shattered. I felt like the life had gone out of me. Days after my surgery, I laid in my bed for hours and cried. I felt like I was sending our daughter out into the world to the places we had always tried to protect her from experiencing. Now, mind you, she is twenty-three and hasn’t lived at home since she was eighteen. She has always lived within a few minutes from us. The last two and half years she and her two babies lived less than a mile away from us.

Life was good, at least for me, the nana.

Since our children were tiny, I have prayed that they would live on either side of us. One big happy Christian family on some hill, where every day is sunny and seventy degrees. Life doesn’t always work out how we imagined.

I did some serious wailing. If you have ever grieved over something you feel helpless over, you know the wailing, the pain I experienced. Then I remembered I needed to find my Comforter. God never leaves us even when we forget to turn to Him. I dried my eyes and started to journal. I know big surprise that I journal.

“God wins.” That is what I wrote first at the top of the page. I sat there a minute and looked at the two words that means more than two words often do. God wins. Yes, God always does.

I had to figure out how I was going to travel a journey that I never wanted. How do I do life when my heart hurts down deep into my very core? The first step was stopping the path that leads to destruction and remembered my God is enough, even in my darkness. God brings light.

I wrote more things on the paper. All the things I wrote next were affirmations of who I am in Christ. I am a daughter, a princess, saved, precious, loved, and so much more. I wrote until I realized I needed to spend time with my Holy Father, the greatest healer of all time.

I would like to say that was the end of the story and I haven’t had to struggle with the grief again. It is a daily battle and sometimes a moment by moment. Sometimes the grief threatens to overcome me but I know even in the lowest places of life, my God will never leave me. I am in the palm of His hands if I just open up my eyes to see Him. The Lord has a great plan for me and I need to be awake to fulfill it.

I pray for you that you will see God’s hand, His plan, and His great love for you. It is okay to grieve it is not okay to stay there. Come back to living your life wide open.

 

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