Arms lifted up ready to embrace the Lord and all He has for me. Sometimes much easier said than done. This is where the rubber meets the road when you are walking on shaky ground. Will you embrace the moment, live it, and learn from it? Or, will you blow like a breeze and slip away from your faith
I apologize for lack of blogging. I will try to be more consistent.
Life has made me feel a bit like a tumbleweed until I realized I was not a weed but a well-rooted believer in Christ. I had foot surgery about seven weeks ago. Now, that is a life-altering event. Not allowed to bear any weight on it and then when I did it hurt. I am in physical pain and that is when Satan would like to get me down. He doesn’t have to win, although he will try harder if the first arrow misses its mark.
During this recovering process, I said goodbye to our grand babies and daughter when they moved out-of-state. It happens all the time in our society but that doesn’t make it any less painful for the ones torn apart. Grief. It comes in many forms. I think we often relate grief simply when someone departs this earth.
Grief. It is so much more.
When our daughter first announced her move, I was shattered. I felt like the life had gone out of me. Days after my surgery, I laid in my bed for hours and cried. I felt like I was sending our daughter out into the world to the places we had always tried to protect her from experiencing. Now, mind you, she is twenty-three and hasn’t lived at home since she was eighteen. She has always lived within a few minutes from us. The last two and half years she and her two babies lived less than a mile away from us.
Life was good, at least for me, the nana.
Since our children were tiny, I have prayed that they would live on either side of us. One big happy Christian family on some hill, where every day is sunny and seventy degrees. Life doesn’t always work out how we imagined.
I did some serious wailing. If you have ever grieved over something you feel helpless over, you know the wailing, the pain I experienced. Then I remembered I needed to find my Comforter. God never leaves us even when we forget to turn to Him. I dried my eyes and started to journal. I know big surprise that I journal.
“God wins.” That is what I wrote first at the top of the page. I sat there a minute and looked at the two words that means more than two words often do. God wins. Yes, God always does.
I had to figure out how I was going to travel a journey that I never wanted. How do I do life when my heart hurts down deep into my very core? The first step was stopping the path that leads to destruction and remembered my God is enough, even in my darkness. God brings light.
I wrote more things on the paper. All the things I wrote next were affirmations of who I am in Christ. I am a daughter, a princess, saved, precious, loved, and so much more. I wrote until I realized I needed to spend time with my Holy Father, the greatest healer of all time.
I would like to say that was the end of the story and I haven’t had to struggle with the grief again. It is a daily battle and sometimes a moment by moment. Sometimes the grief threatens to overcome me but I know even in the lowest places of life, my God will never leave me. I am in the palm of His hands if I just open up my eyes to see Him. The Lord has a great plan for me and I need to be awake to fulfill it.
I pray for you that you will see God’s hand, His plan, and His great love for you. It is okay to grieve it is not okay to stay there. Come back to living your life wide open.